Oscars survival guide

Oscars survival guide

By Amir Kenan

The pre-show is over. The pre-pre-show is long gone. And the pre-pre-show countdown extravaganza hosted by Justin Guarini is but a distant memory. And then it hits you: the Oscars are b-o-r-i-n-g—four-and-a-half excruciating hours of sagging facelifts, botched tummy tucks and "fresh from rehab" celebs.

Wanna guarantee that everyone comes out of your Oscars viewing party alive? It won’t be easy, but here are five strategies for surviving the Oscars.